Table for one

There was a time when I detested the idea of walking into the restaurant or café to request the dreaded table for one. I feared that snide smile from the waiter. What if the couple sitting there whispers while looking at me? I used to worry that people might think she is out on the prowl, or more embarrassingly, has been stood up. Table for one to me meant that others were judging me from afar. I was first introduced to this concept when I was in Manhattan. I didn’t care much there because no one bothered. And there were many lone wolves like me. I did find it a little uncomfortable, no one to talk to and look at while eating but I had little choice but to eat by myself. But doing the same in Delhi was a little difficult. But again sometimes you are left with no choice. Craving for something really good and no company? Well, walk in alone. That is what I have been doing recently and I must tell you it is so liberating to eat alone. As I mentioned in my earlier post, as you climb the age ladder the number of single and always available friends becomes negligible. A single woman in her late twenties who also happens to be an entrepreneur, which means she doesn’t have to seek permission from her boss if she wants to step out for lunch has made me comfortable with the concept of solo eating. No conversations between mouthfuls, no discussions on how the food is. Comfortable in my own company or with a book. Sheer indulgence! Initially, I kept looking at my phone in an apologetic manner. May be it was to give the impression that I am waiting for friends. From my table, drinking a glass of beer, I listened to a young couple talk about their financial planning, two friends discuss relationships and a bunch of foreigners discussing India. And what has surprised me particularly is the attitude of waiters. They are welcoming solo diners because I think the percentage of such people is increasing. While I have grabbed informal lunches and snacks on my own , I now aim to be going to a more upmarket venue for dinner à une.

So I sit on this table for one I won't go till they tell me to leave Why'd they teach me to follow my dreams When dreams are all they can be?

Scraping off the city sheen!

Like a typical Punju, holidaying for me meant staying in luxurious hotels, air travel, and buying expensive stuff to take back home. And yes, how could I forget the high that came out of announcing before the whole class, when your teacher asked you, so what did you do in the vacations? With immense pride, I used to say names of fancy places each year. We punjus spend lakhs travelling to exotic locale and once there what is the first thing we search for? Any guesses? Yes, you got it right! All-time favourite dal makhani and butter chicken! Let’s move a little ahead in time. When last year in August, my family (not immediate) got to know I am going for a trek to the beautiful Tirthan Valley, I am sure they considered me mad. Staying in tents, pooping in open and no TV? And you will be paying for this? You must be kidding me? Is this is a holiday or self-imposed torture. For the patient person I am, I just smiled and said to myself, ‘you don’t have it in you so just eat your dal and stay happy’. Not much of an outdoorsy person, I wanted to give hiking a try. Once there, I adored the evening campfire and the clear sky with thousand twinkling stars. But hiking was another matter entirely. To others, it must be an easy stroll. To me it was a steep, winding climb that seemed never to end. When we finally reached the destination, I couldn’t wait to start back down. Sleeping in the tent by the river, I used to get up in the middle of night asking myself, what am I doing here? What went wrong in my head to abandon the confines of my comfortable city life to take up this? Am I just following what other people doing? I am not made for this adventurous stuff.

But when I began to explore the valley, a new sense of wonder and appreciation enveloped me. Walking atop logs and playing in streams made me feel young again. I have learned that you can’t compare yourself with anyone, or shy away from a challenge just because others might do it better. If I had kept thinking the way I did in my 20s, I would have missed a marvellous adventure. John Muir had it right when he wrote, “In every walk with nature, one receives far more than he seeks. A few days back, I read a blog which said that if you intend on marrying someone, go on a trek with him or her. The mask of the city wears off quickly and the real person surfaces while you are in nature. Interesting, isn’t it? I don’t know about marriage but yes, the mask does come off. The mask of make-up, fancy clothes, coffee shops, eating at fancy places is taken off by the nature and what comes out is how disciplined, considerate and cooperative are you? A late riser who has been lucky not to be working in a 9 to 5 job, getting up at six in the morning was an impossible task but I did it. So yes, I am disciplined (conditions apply ;)). Trekking is not easy. Complaining about food, location, tents is not an option. We were lucky that we were served delicious, fresh meals five times a day. (I should give a special mention to Panki Sood for this. No matter how much I speak of the hospitality his team offers, it would be less.) The most important thing, how considerate you are toward the environment. If you on a trek and you litter around, and shout at the top of your voice, sorry you are not meant to be there.

Why I hate Sundays?

Another seven months and I will be 30! I have grappled with heartbreak(s), fought anxiety, switched careers, made some great friends, travelled and most importantly, experienced a hell lot. The only good thing, which I feel about turning 30 would be that people will start taking me seriously! Everyone says I don't look my age so may be in seven months, I will start looking older. Wishful thinking, ah! Coming back to being in your late twenties--the number of single friends’ you have decreases as you climb the age ladder. Most of my friends are married, happily or unhappily, it is difficult to say. Some are ADJUSTING, some are taking it as a PART of life, hardly have I known anyone who comes and says, oh yes! It is wonderful! You should get married! It is out of the world! It is magical! This feedback coupled with the fact that I am single (I did try to change my relationship status but all in vain) reinforces my fear in men, relationships etc. My parents strongly believe that I have crossed the age where I can choose. I will have to adjust and compromise (that is what we equate marriage to), according to them. Yes, like every other middle class Indian girl, my parents have registered me for matrimonial sites and services. So yes, I am there in the arrange marriage MARKET and glad to inform that I don’t fit in because neither am I an engineer nor am I working in an MNC. Most people don’t understand my work, good for me I say. They feel self-employment equals to no security. Yes, my parents have got this feedback. “We want an engineer girl for our son”, “we are looking for a girl who is working in an MNC.” I am self-employed, what your engineer bahu will take 10 years to earn; I will do that in next five years. Huh! But who cares? They don’t and I don’t want them to! My work is just one of the many issues. The next one is hilarious. “Our son is too thin and they won’t look good together’. This was the guy’s sister referring to my physique. As a result, I hate Sundays. I wish could unsubscribe the newspapers which carry matrimonial or simply sue them for destroying my peace of mind.

All this makes me wonder do I really want to enter an arrangement? The answer most of the times is NO. I often ask parents, what's the worse that will happen if I choose to remain single? Will it be life threatening? I won't die just because I choose to remain single :P And please a sincere request, no sympathies, I don't want my friends and relatives to be commenting, have patience! You will find the right one soon!